Heart Squeeze

all the ways I feel tender lately

I have felt very tender as of late.

I don’t know if it’s the cooler weather and falling snow here in Colorado, allowing us to cozy up inside our house and slow down. I don’t know if it’s the reminder of time passing as my oldest turned 7 just a few weeks ago. I don’t know if it’s some sadness at the election results from the last couple of weeks.

I’ve noticed the more tender I find myself, the more I feel everything. My husband and I trademarked the phrase “Heart Squeeze” years ago to sum up the feeling of something that is so precious and simultaneously a little heart-wrenching, something so pure it makes your heart want to burst. I’ll give a few examples.

When my younger son waddles into his older brother’s room in the morning and immediately climbs into the lap of his big brother for a giant hug—heart squeeze.

When this same little boy cries huge tears over not getting to wear his favorite costume in the car because it won’t fit in the carseat (it’s really the realization that his logic at 3 is so flawed and yet so cute)—heart squeeze.

When my older son says, “God knows everything about us, right Mama? I bet when He was creating the earth, he said, ‘I’m going to make Judah a lego master.’” (Said while building legos at the kitchen counter while I cook dinner)—heart squeeze.

When this same 7 year old gets up in the middle of the night and comes into my room, just to tell me he loves me and misses his daddy (who is working at the fire station)—heart squeeze.

When my husband and I look at each other with tears of gratitude in our eyes at the end of a great counseling session—heart squeeze.

Basically, it’s the intersection of joy and sadness, nostalgia and hope.

And I’ve been feeling a lot of it lately. Feeling extra aware of how precious and sacred life is, and also how unpredictable.

We decorated our house for Christmas this last weekend (and please no judgment—Thanksgiving is my favorite, and I’ve always thought the hint of Christmas during Thanksgiving brings more gratitude and joy) so I’m already thinking about Advent and how to observe it this year.

These verses immediately came to mind as I was reflecting:

“Because of the tender mercy of our God, by which the rising sun will come to us from heaven to shine on those living in darkness and in the shadow of death, to guide our feet into the path of peace.” Luke 1:78-79

What do I do when my heart squeezes with all the joy and heartache of this world?

Remember that our God, who is so very tender and merciful, sent His Son into our dark world, to shine light and bring peace.

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This post is part of a blog hop with Exhale—an online community of women pursuing creativity alongside motherhood, led by the writing team behind Coffee + Crumbs. Click here to view the next post in the series "Tender."

Photo by Chandler Cruttenden on Unsplash